scurredmotherfuck

find the balance between survival and happiness? changes are happening too quickly and nothing's falling in place anymore. shit just isn't as easy anymore and it's funky. happiness is my greatest insecurity. strong with and weak without. comes and goes as it pleases. after all a smile is just a frown upside down! talk about a front haha i want a clean slate to start anew. to rebuild myself. so that no one will recognize me. so that none of these memories matter. so that this misery will evolve to comfort.


chief king chillin' on the peak of stone mountain

illogical emotions

should i put up a front and let it slide or state my mind and try to work it out? i'm confused because you complained that i don't shower you with attention. you're probably right about that. maybe i don't care as much now as i did before, but that's only because i see no effort from you and someone has to reciprocate. if only you had tried, then you'd understand that i gave you my undivided attention. you want me to support you when you're weak, but when i am weak who will help me? got nothing left to lose, but the fear of coming back down again is enough to keep me kicked
great song.


chief king chillin' on the peak of stone mountain

sleep's a wonder

my sleep pattern's really off and i've been having a hard time getting to sleep at night. been having a hard time getting up too. it's much nicer to sleep and live in my dreams. the time to clear this confusion is nearing, but i'm afraid i may not be up to it. this game of lies, shits, and giggles has really drained me dry.


chief king chillin' on the peak of stone mountain

dangerous grooming

i dont clip my nails often so when i do i have this ocd about clipping them on the line. it takes forever so i start thinking and thinking... then shit gets out of hand and i start clipping away at dead skin around my nails. i usually finish 30 minutes later with one or two cuts to the MEAT :{


chief king chillin' on the peak of stone mountain

whatafront

been looking at you real hard tryna think of something to say but i just cant focus. keep seeing straight through you. maybe its me. maybe i'm just seeing things, but considering how shits been going, i think i trust my own instincts more than anything right now.


chief king chillin' on the peak of stone mountain

made a horrible mistake today

i was washing the newest member of the family - my precious 'PURP' brand dark blue glass bong and shit happens :{ there is now a hole in the side of the base water chamber. 11/10 - 11/18
i still haven't officially named it yet, but i have been thinking about 'Betty.'
Betty the Beautiful Bong. Betty the beautiful and now broken bong.
i'm not just upset. im fucking devastated. i definitely consider Betty one of my most prized possessions and wish i had taken better care of her while she was going big this past week.
not only was she worth $120 on the shelf in the headshop, but it was a gift from Wesley. it felt like he was handing me the bong that carried his acceptance, trust, and support.
sigh. blown. patched it up but there's a leak.


chief king chillin' on the peak of stone mountain

your doing may conceive your trust to be questionable...

it leads me to wonder why i am true
white lies of my own just might get this by
no more may be most precise


chief king chillin' on the peak of stone mountain

happy birthday grandma

celebrated gma's birthday with family at michael's noodles at travilah square and after dinner wes asked me if i know what will happen in four years.
it reminded me that i need to look farther down the road and make future decisions more accordingly

today, i just can't help but to catch everyone's mistakes and dick about it. today, people just can't help but to deny their mistakes. you did it so why deny it? what's there to hide? you should have put more thought into it because every lie through your teeth gets more and more whack


chief king chillin' on the peak of stone mountain

there's a virus on my computer!

this computer's old, slow, and poisoned. want to get a new computer but no monies so i'm tryna reformat this one. moving old shit that can be saved on to an external and now i'm looking up the dates of when all these files and folders were created. feels like i'd be erasing away history and memories if i cleaned it up :{
but i guess change is for certain and you can't deny the inevitable?


chief king chillin' on the peak of stone mountain

:}

it's for me to know and you to find out, but what you don't know won't hurt you.

there's a reason for every action taken and every thought expressed.
there's also a reason behind every action taken and every thought expressed.

people don't normally state their reasons for and almost never their reasons behind their actions or thoughts, but when revealed their reasons may be quite shocking. how funky.

"i always say never, never ever say forever cuz forever might be too long for two to stay together, so i always say never and never ever say forever cuz there's no bond that's too strong to sever"
"i'm gunna miss you, i was happy i found you but, my heart'll beat forever whether with or without you. whether with, or without you."
sahtyre - always say never

i'd like to applaud such twisted thinking!


chief king chillin' on the peak of stone mountain

EVERYBODY'S THE SAME?!? SELFISH?!?!?!

NOTICE HOW MUCH ONE'S WORDS AND ACTIONS CAN AFFECT ANOTHER?
NOTICE HOW EVERYONE TAKES MORE THAN ENOUGH TO CONTINUE ON COMFORTABLY?

no one has to help or care, but they say you should treat others the way you'd like to be treated in return.

stop fucking with my head or i'll fuck with yours.

if you take this lightly then i'll just drop it. if it's that insignificant to you then don't waste my time either.

this shit makes me sick in the head. i hope you won't be the reason for my heart turning black again.

if the person you most trust can't go more than a day without lying to you, then surely you are allowed to be under the impression that they are hiding shit, no?

i was recently able to get rid of the horrible habit of lying with a smile, but the thoughts come like second nature so i'm sure it wouldn't be very difficult to pick up again. of course, i'd only do this to protect myself...while unintentionally hurting the people around me because i have that right as much as you do.


chief king chillin' on the peak of stone mountain

jedi mind tricks

why do people lie to the ones most dear to them?
why do people lie about anything and everything?

is lying wrong?
we all have the right to lie to protect ourselves, but would our closest ones hurt us?
why hurt the people around you with your lies?

"sticks and stones may break my bones, but...???"
nothing could hurt more than the misunderstanding and confusion caused by lies.

to love you must trust, but if there is trust, then why lie?

termites be munchin' on this ladder of trust.

" A man is called selfish not for pursuing his own good, but for neglecting his neighbor's."


chief king chillin' on the peak of stone mountain